What in the Ward!
by jezzeria
Summary: What happens when some of the Edward’s meet? Let’s take a gander! More inside! AU Also it helps if you have read some of the stories that are aforementioned.
1. What in the Ward?

What in the Ward?!

Written from my pov…trust me you'll like it! I don't think there will be any lemons in this, but hopefully laughs! Lol.

This is going to start with regular, plain old, SM's Edward. Hopefully you'll know who each Edward is, if not I'll be citing them in order at the end and what fic they came from. I am simply borrowing ALL of these characters for my own sick sadistic pleasure, no harm is meant by this, hopefully everyone, including the original authors of these -wards will appreciate this!

One Bella pops up, instead of an Edward, but hopefully you'll know who she is.

Oh also, yes my real name is Jessica.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_It was just a typical afternoon, I had just gotten home from work and was anxiously awaiting FF to load. Suddenly everything went dark, and I groaned realizing the power was out. The battery on my laptop allowed my computer to stay on, but I realized the internet was down after twenty minutes of a fruitless attempt to connect. Fuck. What was I going to do now? Oh that's right…fantasy time._

Edward came through my window, and I giggled as he stood before me. I could never tire of his gorgeous features, and his crooked smile stared back at me as he waited by the window. I rushed to him, and in an instant my lips were pressed to his frozen marble lips.

His hands ran up my arms, and I felt giddy that he was already becoming physical with me, in any way. As if reading my thoughts (oh yea fuck, he can read my thoughts) he stopped.

"We can't do this," he said, as he stepped away from, "I have morals Jessica."

"Edward, this is my fantasy!!! How can you tell me no?!" I yelled angrily at him, and he tried to grin at me again which only pissed me off even more.

"Jessica, come on, we can just cuddle."

I laughed at him then, "Cuddle?! Right, I just bring you in my fantasies to _cuddle_. Grow up Edward, you're over 100!"

"You don't have to be mean," he said as he crossed his arms, forming his lips into a pout.

"Seriously, Edward just go home. I'll go call Darkward or something."

His eyes flashed with anger at the mention of Dark Edward, and I smiled internally. An angry fantasy of Edward was still a good fantasy.

"You will not call that…that…_delinquent," _he spat out causing me to roll my eyes. I really was getting annoyed with Edward now, and Darkward was sounding more and more tempting by the second.

"He's not a delinquent, he's just misunderstood!" I yelled, as I stomped the phone, punching in his number. Edward just gaped at me as he watched me complete my call. "See you in a little bit," I finished before placing the phone down.

"Now really Edward, scram. I need to compensate for this horrible beginning of my fantasy somehow."

He only scowled at me, but continued to stand in the same place. It wasn't long before I heard a knock on the door and I giddily skipped to answer it. Darkward stood before me beautiful as ever in his leather jacket as he ran his fingers through his messy hair. I noticed the dark circles under his eyes were nearly gone of which I was glad.

"Been sleeping with Bella lately?" I asked, not really caring either way.

"You know that shit means nothing to me baby, I just do it for the fucking sleep," I laughed at him. We both knew it was a lie, but for my fantasy it'd work.

"Edward's probably still here," I informed him, so he wouldn't be surprised as Edward walked out at the sound of his name.

"More like fucking Prudeward if you ask me," Darkward mumbled under his breath, but I still heard so I knew Edward had to.

I stared wide eyed at them as they seemed more engrossed in staring one another down then me. What the hell, this was still my fantasy, couldn't anything go right today? Suddenly there was another knock on the door, and both men continued to stare one another down as I shoved through the two of them.

"Ohhh, don't everyone jump at once, I'll get it."

Upon swinging the door open, my eyebrows lifted in surprise. Maybe this wasn't going to turn out so bad anyway. Geekward stood before me, looking nervous as I gaped at him openly. Yep, he really was still attractive in person.

"I'm uh…here to fix your computer…," he began, causing me to bite my lip. Why was this beginning to sound like the beginning of a bad porn movie?

"Is this a bad time?" he questioned as he looked around me at the other two Edwards in their stare down competition.

"No, no," I insisted, ushering him inside, "come on in."

But despite any hopes I had of something happening between me and any -ward they were suddenly squashed when the other two were immediately all eyes on Geekward.

"Jessica what the fuck is this?" Darkward asked, as he eyed Geekward up and down.

"Seriously, who finds this guy attractive?" Edward said as he crinkled his forehead in distaste.

"Oh shut up, half the time he's hotter then you guys!" I yelled in anger, although what I said wasn't entirely true. I really couldn't decide between one Edward or the other, they were all hot in their own way.

"Dude, seriously though. How the fuck do you get chicks? I mean I fucking read your fanfic, and your Bella is a sorority sister. A fucking sorority sister! You must have a huge dick to be hitting that!" Darkward said, and I flopped on the couch as I turned the television on, pissed that I was being completely ignored now but nobody seemed to care.

"Well uh, we've never actually…um…" Geekward stammered as he blushed profusely.

"What?! Seriously, you're wearing a star wars t-shirt, you made Bella play D&D with you, and you've never even tapped that?! Licked it, sucked it, fingered it, touched it?" Darkward was so crude sometimes. I swear if it weren't for Bella just a sentence from him would almost be more explicit then a porno.

"Oh come on, like it's so hard to believe. Just because we don't all wear a leather jacket and fuck Stanley doesn't mean Bella's don't like us," Edward cut in, defending Geekward.

I was sick of the squabble as I walked over to my phone, hitting the first button on my speed dial.

"Hey gorgeous," a seductive voice drawled to me over the line and I smiled. Well even if I have to pay for sex in my own fantasy, so be it. I knew it would be worth it.

"Redward, baby I need you," I purred into the phone, and he promised quickly that he would be over in a flash.

In a few minutes he sauntered through the door as if he owned the place. He stopped in his tracks as he watched all the other -wards talking to one another.

"What the fuck? Is Dr. Bella here? Am I in another session? Cause I swear I don't have multiple personality disorder or whatever! I told Bella I didn't write or suggest any of you!"

I frowned at his assessment of the situation. This really just wasn't working today as the -wards began to cut into Redward.

"So it must be awesome to have sex for money?" Geekward threw in quickly, but obviously shy.

"Seriously? Have you read the whole fic? Have you read about Raven?" Redward asked as he stared in astonishment at Geekward.

"No, I just started," he admitted, and Redward shook his head.

"Well keep reading, trust me it's not all glamour and sex," he said before shuddering.

"You're Bella's a fucking sex kitten though," Darkward said, sounding congratulatory, " at least your Bella doesn't ever use the damn safe word."

"Edward Cullen!" Bella yelled as the door flew open. Great, now Bella was here. I squinted trying to find some discerning trait that would show who this Bella belonged to.

"What?" they all chorused in unison, each one seeming nervous.

"It's Wednesday and I waited in the rare book collection all day for you! You're never late!" She yelled as we all furrowed our brows.

"Bella, you have it wrong…" I began, but she cut me off, as she seemingly flew off the handle.

"And what are you doing with this hussy?! I thought you said after that last time that you were never going to dominate her again, whether she wanted you in her fantasy or not!"

All of the other Edward's turned to me then, and it was my turn to blush.

"Bella," I spoke through clenched teeth, "Domward isn't here."

She stopped as she blinked once, looking around at all of the -wards.

"Oh," she answered timidly, her eyes immediately trained on the floor.

"Isabella!" we heard in the distance, as Bella's eyes shot up in worry.

"I have to go, Domward's going to be mad…and well…you saw the spanking scene." she answered, as we all nodded our heads, "It fucking hurts," she murmured, as she hurried out the door, slamming it behind her.

"She's hot," Edward mumbled, to all of our surprise as we turned to look at him, "what, I've read the fic! I mean come on, I wish Bella would seduce me on my piano."

"You're too prude, you'd probably push her off you if she tried," Geekward said.

"Oh, you're one to talk!" he shouted, sounding angered.

"Hey, I never pushed Bella off, I'd fuck her if she asked," he said, suddenly growing bold.

There was a knock at the door, and I wondered who the hell it could be now. My house was turning into a regular three ring circus.

Just as I was about to open the door, the door to my room was pushed open as my eyes opened in a flash.

"Dreaming about Edward's again?" my boyfriend asked, as he crawled into my bed next to me.

"Yes, but they were being particularly difficult today…I guess you'll have to do."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edward - Twilight by Stephenie Meyer{the original guy obviously}

Darkward - Wide Awake by AngstGoddess003

Geekward - Resident Geek by cdunbar

Redward - The Red Line by WinndSinger {which was recently finished, check it out it's amazing}

Domward - The Submissive, The Dominant and soon The Training by Tara Sue Me

I thought about putting in the Edward from the Office too, but this would really turn into a circus if any more Edwards or Bella's showed up. Thought this up one day at work…who knows, I might think up a different one later.


	2. Assward to the Rescue

A reader suggested I continue these on as I think them up and 1) I agree and 2) I totally will do this for my one reader! I'm just crowd pleasing like that, plus I know I'll think up more stupid things like this...

Hmmm Assward to the rescue. Lol I wasn't quite sure what everyone is calling the -ward from The Office, but Assward works. I was thinking Beautiful Bastward but…hmmm….I'll make it interchangeable throughout the story. So just beware Assward=Beautiful Bastward and visa versa.

Eh, some Bella bashing but honestly it's all in good fun. I love every Bella and every -Ward. Haha this one's slightly shorter but it amused me, hopefully it amuses you. {oh and this is what you get when you procrastinate putting together final portfolio's for classes!}

No harm or infringement is intended. Just playing a little more with the -Wards.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Assward walks in*

"The circus just left, you just missed it. Sorry," I grumbled in annoyance. God how many Edward's could turn me down in a day?

"I'm here for you," he growled, and unlike the usual attraction I felt towards his gruffness I found myself rather peeved by his attitude. First I was rejected and now I was being talked down to.

"Whatever," I answered, as I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously," he said roughly into my ear causing goose bumps to ripple across my body despite everything as he kissed down my neck, suddenly I felt his hand grab hold of my panties.

"Oh, no you don't! It's hot in your story, but please don't rip these, they're my favorite," I pleaded with him.

Asswards eyes narrowed as he stared at me, as if I was an alien.

"How are you going to tell me what to do? I just do what I'm written to do, I honestly don't know how to be gentle," he said rubbing his hand across the back of his neck, "well until that last chapter there, but that was fucking hard. Besides you usually don't mind," he pouted.

"Well do what you're fantasized to do and leave all of my clothes in one piece," I demanded, pushing my forefinger into his chest to let him know I meant business.

"If I'd known you were going to be such a rude tart I would've never come over," he grumbled as he ran his hands angrily through his hair.

"You know what, you really are a Beautiful Bastward," I said as I heard the door open again. Who could it possibly be now?

"Bastward, what are you doing here?!" Bella shrieked, as I held my head in my hands. Great, now I had to deal with a Bella getting in the way too. Maybe I should start fantasizing about Robert Pattinson, he might not be my ideal -Ward but at least he didn't have a whole entourage who could interrupt us every two seconds.

"First you say I'm a mistake, then you make beautiful passionate love to me and now…now you're with…_this_," she hissed as my head shot up.

"Hey, hey now. I may be many things but I am not a _this,_ you make it sound like I'm some fat bitch with a boil or some shit."

She glared at me but relented, "Okay you're not fat…but…the boil couldn't hurt…," she sneered.

"Sorry…not everyone can be a Bella. I can't be a cranky whiny bitch every second of the day," I retorted ready to be done with fantasizing for good at this point. I mean what was wrong with me, I was fantasizing being rejected and fighting with Bella's.

Edward snickered as Bella's glare turned to him.

"You think that's funny?" She nearly yelled her eyes narrowing at him

"No?" he questioned, unsure of the correct answer in this situation.

"You just laughed Edward."

"Well I mean, come on…you really can be a cranky whiny bitch. I mean all of the Bella's can. Look at SM's version…she wants Edward, can't live without Edward, can't fucking BREATH without Edward, and then he comes back and all she wants is Jacob. She runs away to spend time with him even! I mean what's up with that?"

"That is true…I never did understand that either," Bella said as she slightly nodded in agreement while Edward continued on.

"There's the Geekward Bella, who is fucking whining because he's not trying to get in her pants! I mean come on, the guy lives in some fantasy world like he knows how to do that shit. Plus she's a sorority sister, she should be glad he's not trying to jump her like every other guy. I say have some decency slutty bitch."

"Assward, now that's cruel. There is no mention in that story that she is slutty at all! What is with guys thinking sorority sisters have to be slutty?" Bella scoffed at him.

"Were you ever in a sorority?" He asked her, tilting his head slightly as fire burned in Bellas eyes.

"Why yes I was actually," she replied hands on her hips, "what does that have to do with anything?!"

"Point in case…"

"EXCUSE ME!"

"Oh come on, you hated me and nicknamed me the Beautiful Bastard, and then you just let me fuck you on the table…against the window…in the stairs…the elevator…the store…"

"Okay, okay, I get the point."

"…in your car…"

"Bastward!"

"…my office…"

"You know if you ever want to get lucky again you'll just shut up now," she threatened as her anger built.

"…in the bathroom at my parents…"

Bella lunged at him them, but he quickly turned them so that he was pressing her against the wall. His hands quickly shoved her pants down as he began to kiss her fervently. His hands grabbed her panties as I stared wide eyed.

"Whoa, whoa, no! What the fuck? You don't just come into somebody's house and just start ripping panties off of people. God, can't you two just lay off each other for two seconds?!"

"No," they both growled in unison, as Edward pushed them into my bedroom, slamming the door behind them. I turned the volume on the TV up louder trying to drown out the noise.

I didn't even notice when Edward got there, and I jumped when he sat down next to me on the couch.

"I heard everything," he said softly, and I frowned, of course he had. He could hear everything, even in my fantasy I couldn't have privacy for when I was rejected.

"Wanna cuddle?" he asked innocently as he held his arms out to me. I sighed as I collapsed into his arms.

"Sorry, my virtue is such a cock-block sometimes," he said sounding truly genuine.

"Edward," I said looking up into his golden brown eyes, "just shut up."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you like my attempt at humor let me know! Have any ideas for the wards? I'm willing to listen always! Or if there's a new -ward you'd like to introduce me to, feel free!


	3. Ward Therapy

To: Roselover2 AKA Sue (), who is rockward and what fic might I find him? If you're going to give me suggestions please either tell me what fic the character is from, who the author is that I might find it from, or some brief description. Of course I will check them all out, just please don't leave me no way to contact you because then I will forever be wandering who said -ward is.

Also all of you should go check out Amber1990 and her stories. She just got started writing, but I think she's got immense talent and I can't wait to see where her stories go.

Sorry this took so long, had the idea for a few days but I've been waiting for all of the -Wards owners permission to use them, so I don't get myself in trouble. Oh also, I am not in this story, I'll let the -wards play alone today.

Credit and who came from what story is all given at the end of every chapter.

I recommend if you haven't read the aforementioned fics that you do that, or read them after the fact in order to fully be able to understand and appreciate this.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wreckward slid into the booth as he waited for everyone else to arrive. He wrung his hands anxiously as he watched Crackward and Fightward walk in together.

"Hey," the three said in unison as they all simultaneously pushed the hair from their foreheads, ruffling it even more. They had all gotten used to acting in unison and barely even noticed as they continued to mirror one anothers actions.

"Sorry I'm late guys," Shrugward said, scooting into the seat as he too ran his fingers through his hair.

"Bella," they all said once again in unison, as if that answered every question.

"Anyone know where Edward is?" Wreckward asked, as they all shrugged, figuring another Bella was the reason behind his late arrival.

"Okay then, who wants to start this week?" Fightward asked in a gruff tone, his adrenaline still pumping from his obvious training earlier that day.

"I will," Wreckward said, a sad look overcoming his face, "did you guys read the update?"

"Yea that fucking sucks," exclaimed Fightward before slamming his fist on the table, "Want me to beat his ass?! Jazz would be pissed, but I'll fucking do it. I hate guys that touch Bella…any Bella!"

"Anger is one of the first stages," Crackward clucked as he began to shred his napkin into little pieces.

"Stage of what?" Fightward asked, well aware of what he was trying to imply.

"Your steroid addict, Fightward." Crackward responded, looking up from the mess he made.

"Hey just because your name is _crack _ward, doesn't mean we're all fucking addicts!" Fightward exploded, as Crackward raised his eyebrow, "And don't fucking look at me like that, all holier than thou. _YOU'RE _the one that can't keep your nose clean!"

Crackward pinched the bridge of his nose as he shut his eyes, trying to calm his anger, "you just don't…understand."

"Oh God, here we go with that! We know, nobody understands! You know why? Because you haven't told anyone! Maybe if you quit running from Bella like a little bitch you could tell her, and then we could all know and help you! God, just because you've been in therapy for so long, don't assume you know everything!"

"Hey, you guys, can you just stop? We're trying to focus on Wreckward here," Shrugward butt in, and the other two stopped, but continued to grumble under their breath as they shot death glares at one another.

"I just don't get it," Wreckward sniffled, not even trying to wipe the tears from his eyes, "I love her so much. Why can't that just be enough? Why did she have to…to do THAT!"

"Trust me, I know what you mean," Shrugward said, patting his friend on the back.

"Hey guys," a small voice interrupted once again, and all of the men turned to look at the newcomer.

"Dude what are you doing here Geekward?" asked Fightward.

"Um, I was just wondering if I could hang with you guy," he said awkwardly, looking down as he dragged his toe across the tile.

"What? Don't you have friends? I saw you in that other fic with those guys, they seemed to like you." asked Crackward.

"Well, no. They're alright, but they give me a lot of crap about having not slept with Bella yet. And they're mean about the way I look…it gets kind of old."

"You haven't slept with Bella yet?!" Fightward nearly shouted, and almost all eyes were on him now.

"Shut up, will you," Wreckward and Shrugward said in unison, knowing the importance of waiting.

"Go ahead, sit down, Shrugward said as he moved over allowing Geekward to sit.

"Okay, now without any more interruptions, would you like to continue Wreckward?" Shrugward asked, eyeing Crackward and Fightward, as they tried to avoid his eyes.

"Well, and I mean how will Bella feel if she suddenly remembers everything? She'll never forgive herself for doing that, no matter how sick she was…it's just all getting so complicated. Will my life ever be normal again?"

"That's a hard one, and it's not something you can fix Wreckward, only Bella and the author can figure that one out," Crackward said to him as the rest nodded their heads.

"Wait, wait, Wreckward?! Man, I read that update on Saturday. That was hard! I don't know how you didn't go find that douche bag, or just tell Bella you were leaving her," Geekward commented as they all stared at him in awe.

Shrugward scratched his head and mumbled something like, "So naïve," while Wreckward looked at him as if he'd grown a second head.

"How do I explain this?" Wreckward began, as all men ran their fingers through their hair in anticipation, "Being without Bella is like…"

"Breathing without lungs," Fightward said, as he stared down at the table while the overwhelming feeling of loss overcame him.

"Like trying to love without a heart, but only an empty hole," Shrugward added.

"Like living while you're dead," Wreckward finished, swiping a tear from his eye.

"Oh," Geekward said, blushing at not being able to truly see the power of their love.

"What the hell am I getting myself into then?" Crackward asked in slight panic.

"Don't try to fight it," Shrugward said, "and definitely don't try to run from it. It's worth every second of heartache…"

"Because we almost always have happy endings," Wreckward finished.

"Yea, I've noticed. Authors and readers seem to thrive on us being with Bella in the end, and frankly I don't think I'd have it any other way," Fightward contributed, as he looked up with fresh tears in his eyes, "it's just the waiting that is killing me."

Wreckward and Shrugward smiled at him sympathetically.

"Edward, what the hell is going on here," said a tiny voice as all eyes turned to the intruder.

"Bella, I can explain," Wreckward began but she cut him off.

"I didn't know you had more brothers…and all of you look alike…this is getting weird Edward."

"Well you see, this is probably going to get confusing…"

"More confusing then this?"

"You see…" he began, and looked at the others at the table with pleading eyes.

"We're from a book," Shrugward interjected, "originally from Twilight…a book about vampires."

"Wait, I wrote a book about vampires…" Bella said, her forehead crinkling.

"I know love, but our author wanted you to write about vampires. Every author tends to put something in that reminds their readers of Twilight. For us so far it's the lion you slept with and the book you wrote."

"The lion?"

"Yea one of the original lines was 'so the lion fell in love with the lamb', it's symbolic to us."

"So you guys are…,"

"Other Edwards," Fightward finished, "but we call one another by what the readers call us. I'm Fightward."

"I'm Shrugward."

"Hey, I'm Crackward."

They all looked at Geekward as he blushed staring down at the table.

"Seriously man, she's not your Bella. Say hi," Fightward urged, slapping him on the back.

"Geekward," he mumbled, his blush deepening.

"And I go by Wreckward," Wreckward said cringing, hoping she wouldn't be hurt by the name.

"We all get together kind of as a…support group. Sometimes these authors write some fucked up stuff and we need to cope with it. When things are good we just talk about you guys, and about what reviewers are saying."

"'you guys'?" Bella asked, her face still a mask of confusion.

"Every story has a different Bella too," Geekward threw out.

"So I'm Wreckbella…Bellawreck? Those sound weird…" she asked, still trying to fully grasp what she was being told.

"Well, no. Bella's are just…Bella's."

"So how do you tell us apart?"

"Well we know, because you are each ours. To readers you all pretty much are the same though. Once you get to know them, I'm sure you'll be able to easily tell each one apart," Wreckward tried to offer hopefully.

"I have to meet them? Edward…Wreckward, whoever the fuck you are, I can't even remember you and now I have to try to remember four more of you…"

"There's more then four of us," Crackward offered.

"How many are there of you?! Well never mind, and now I have to remember Bella's too?"

"You have long term memory loss, not short term memory loss," Shrugward informed her, and her face turned beet red in anger.

"WHATEVER!" she screamed before storming towards the door, "WE'LL TALK ABOUT THIS AT HOME!" and with that she threw the door open, hitting a waiting customer in the nose and making him bleed before stopping off to her car.

The -wards all looked at one another and once again said in unison, "Bella".

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This wasn't quite as humorous because all of our -wards aren't humorous and have happy stories. I still tried to throw some humor in them. To all of you authors with whom I have played with your Edward doll, I thank you and you can have them back for the night. I think the next installment might be the Bella's…we'll see though.

In order of appearance:

Wreckward-Wreckage by lamb Cullen

Crackward-Disintergration by meimei42

Fightward-Shadowboxer by nobloodnofoul

Shrugward-Atlas Shrugged by JeesieChreesie

Geekward-Resident Geek by cdunbar

I love all of you, and your -wards. I pick on them because I love them, never forget that! I do not have any preferences, I just try to write your characters in character as much as I can…and some are harder then others.


	4. Revenge of the Ella's

I have been having a bit of writers block {crap, crap, crap I know}, but you all can thank Amber1990 because she's been kicking my ass today. {haha not really but she does help a lot}

Also I wanted you all to know there are 11 Edwards I am allowed to play with, 4 I am waiting a response from, and 12 that I still need to check out, plus you all keep sending me more suggestions as the day goes on! Thanks for all the recs guys, keep em coming!

For those of you who have read The Road to Forgiveness, yes I'm still working on that. The next chapter is…er…maybe halfway done…maybe. I want it to be a long one. Already at 2k words…Will stop at no less then 3k, but I was kind of shooting for 6k….we'll see how that plays out though.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I1 walked with Alice to the "Bella" meeting. Being so nervous, having not remembered anything I wanted some kind of comfort there, and Alice2 only agreed as long as I promised to go on multiple shopping sprees with her to pay her back.

We entered the room upon which I saw at least ten eyes staring back at me all with the same face as mine. Also in the corner of the room stood another Alice3 holding a cup full of punch while staring aimlessly into space. She was over to us in a flash and I wondered how in the hell she moved so fast.

"Nice shoes, wanna go shopping?" she asked in one breath as my Alice rolled her eyes at her.

"God Alice, learn how to use a phone!" She laughed, grabbing the girls arm as they walked off together.

"Well I knew you would be here, and I knew you would say yes!" she exclaimed as they both climbed into a gorgeous expensive looking yellow car.

I sat down quietly as the girls around me continued in their conversations, and I listened intently, hoping to hear something that would jog my memory.

"Do you know where Bella is?" one4 asked, and I almost wanted to laugh at how stupid the question sounded. Weren't we ALL Bella's?

"From Shadowboxer," the girl clarified, frowning over at me as if she had read my mind.

"Eh, I read the writer's being a stubborn bitch because she thought up most of this concept before the last chapter so she's writing it as if it hasn't been updated." 5

"Oh and by the way," the first girl said leaning towards me, "I prefer to go by Isabella on certain days," she finished with a bright blush splashed across her cheeks, and I wondered briefly if it had to do with anything sexual. Her blush deepened, as I realized that must be it, and my interest was peaked, how the hell did she keep knowing what I was thinking?

"The author," she answered, before I had even finished my thought.

"Excuse me?" I asked, confused.

"The author. That's using us…borrowing us, whatever. She's allowing me to know. She has quite the open mind. You probably didn't notice with the -wards cause…well lets face it, they're men. They don't notice anything unless it's us in some v-neck blue getup."

"Oh," I answered, staring up at the ceiling as if it were going to open up and reveal some unknown person to me.

"It doesn't work that way," another Bella6 responded, handing me a drink, "It's your favorite, trust me I know." she promised winking at me.

I took a sip, and immediately recognized it as my favorite. Hmm I guess we were all the same in every aspect.

"I'm Bella," she said thrusting her hand towards me.

"That doesn't help," I added, and she threw her head back laughing, clearly understanding what I was trying to say.

"I'm from Twilight. I'm the original to all this. It's kind of surreal to see all of the new Bella's every week." She said, sounding more embarrassed then cocky that there were so many characters trying to live up to her original glamour.

"That girl that was blushing like crazy, she's from The Dominant. Domward calls her Isabella when they have sex. I must say, reading it is quite the turn on. The girl she was talking to is the Bella from Resident Geek. She's pretty nice, even though she's a sorority girl. Not stuck up at all like you'd think. That Alice that left with your Alice was from Twilight. The original. She can see the future." I took another sip of the drink, well that would explain the weird encounter I had witnessed upon arrival.

"Also there's Fightward's Bella, who isn't here right now, because the authors being a stubborn bitch and pretending like she hasn't read the most recent chapter of the story. I think she wanted us to pretend she's MIA and then worry about her or something, but we all read! We don't need her to be caught up on our stories."

She pointed to various other girls in the room as she continued telling me about the other women in the room, "There's Shrugward's Bella, she's quite sweet. Probably the most mature of us all. She's fun though. Uh…that one there is Crackward's Bella. Don't mind her, she just had a shitty run in, and is experiencing withdrawals." She leaned closer to me then, lowering her voice, "We try to just leave her to herself unless she comes to one of us. She's rather touchy right now." Upon further inspection I noticed the girl seemed to straighten up considerably in her seat as her eyes turned dark. She was shooting daggers at us, and I wondered what kind of effects withdrawals had exactly on a person. One sign seemed to be anger.

Bella looked down, and it seemed she was trying to calm herself. Okay, maybe I wouldn't think about her anymore.

"There's a few people missing today, but that one over there," she pointed to a girl that seemed to be the strangest of them all, "she's the newest addition here. She's from The Cullen Family Players Present. It's a hilarious story but…well the Bella is very…um…" as she searched for the words to describe her I watched as she took the popsicle in her hand and seemingly started deep throating it. My eyes grew wide as I watched her moan around the treat as she palmed her breast through her shirt.

"Yea well, you see for yourself…she's just very…sexual," she said through her teeth as we continued to watch the girl make love to inanimate objects around her.

"Ladies," Bella said, straightening up as she clapped her hands, "shall we get started?" Everyone seemed to quiet as we all stared up at Bella.

"Let's welcome back Bella. Now remember, you've all been keeping up with the story, you know what a hard time she's having."

They all swarmed me, embracing me as I stood dumbfounded, waiting for the waves of…well me, to pass.

"So Bella, to try to jog your memory, the reason we meet is to talk about our problems. With our stories, with our Edwards, the readers, the writers. Any kind of problem, this is a safe place." She took my hand squeezing it in encouragement as she continued, "Who would like to start us off today?"

"Yea what's with everyone trying to pair us with Jacob, or have some kind of drama with him?" Sorority Bella asked, and I was immediately interested. How many of these other girls had had encounters with Jacob?

"Bella, besides you four of us in this room have had some sort of encounter with Jacob, and one of us had something with James," Crackella was looking at her hands at that last part, but quickly looked up at me. Apparently she didn't like being called Crackella.

"Sorry," I murmured, as everyone around me rolled my eyes at the clearly overly dramatic Crackella.

"Really, could you stop writing that? I really think you're starting to upset Crackwards girlfriend."

"I'm not his girlfriend!" she screamed before stomping off.

"Okay you were right, she is being overdramatic," I responded to the author as the girls around me laughed.

"Anyway, back to the question," Sororityella urged.

"I really wish they wouldn't," Bella sighed, but Shrugella seemed to disagree as she looked up.

"If I hadn't kissed Jacob in that meadow, Shrugward and I wouldn't be in such a healthy relationship like we are now," I nodded in agreement and without even realizing it I too was speaking.

"I agree, I would never fully understand how deep Wreckward and my love really is. I mean as far as I knew I didn't even have any other basis for this relationship."

The room went silent as everyone thought it over.

"Well I for one, think that the readers are just jealous of what we all have with Edward, and need a reason to hate us. Plus they just hate Jacob because of what you did Bella," Subella said, "I mean I personally have not been with Jacob, but I mean come on. We have the best guy out there."

"Hey now, I think Jacob is endearing," Bella said rather defensively.

"Bella that's just wrong. I mean in your story the guy who wants you, and fantasizes about you, then imprints on your kid? WTF is up with that? I mean that just brings on a whole new meaning to MILF." Subella retorted, when suddenly there was a cracking noise.

We all looked over to find Speedella with a rather large chair leg broken off as she giggled seductively, "Whoops, I guess I just need to be trained how to handle wood." I stared blankly at her as we all immediately felt nauseous over the sudden smell of the blood.

"Meeting adjorned," Bella practically yelled as she ran outside looking pale, or had she been pale all along? Whatever. We all followed suit as Speedella continued to try to seduce every inanimate object in the room, not even noticing our departure.

Maybe these meetings wouldn't be so bad after all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bella/wreckella-Wreckage1 by lambcullen

Alice-Wreckage2 by lambcullen

Alice-Twilight3 sm

Bella/subella-The Submissive/The Dominant4 by tara sue me

Bella/sororityella-Resident Geek5 cdunbar

Bella-Twilight6 sm

Bella/fightella-Shadowboxer by nobloodnofoul

Bella/shrugella-Atlas Shrugged by jeesiechreesie

Bella/crackella-Disintegration by meimei42

Bella/speedella-The Cullen Family Presents by Feisty Y. Beden

Not all of the Bella's have been used, but this is confusing as hell! I want your general reaction. I'm going to have a regular -ward update soon, but then I plan on coming back to the Bella's. Also, you all keep sending me recommendations and I am reading them as quickly as I can, plus I have to wait for the author to allow me to play with their toys.

At this rate, if everyone keeps allowing me their Edward we will have 30 Edward's by the time I finish reading the 13 recommendations I have, along with whatever else you sent me {and catching up with all the recs Keira Sawyer keeps sending me, which btw is awesome! Keep em coming!}


	5. At The Fair

**Holy long A/N below:**

**Okay I will say now, this installation would be better read if you have previously read The Cullen Family Presents by Feisty Y. Beden. She is the shit, let me just say now, and there will probably be spoilers in here, especially for that. Her fic deserves to be read, reread, and then read again, before you go out and start telling all of your fan girl bff's. I assume this chapter will be funny whether or not you've read her fic however, so if you want to read it post-ward chapter, then by all means go ahead, because Speedward is the shit either way.**

**Thank you Feisty Y. Beden, not only for allowing me to play with your fun toys, but for playing with me too! {it's like having a play date with barbies again, except a million times better and so much more inappropriate}.**

**Also, I have been getting a few of you requesting Jasper, so far nobody else, but I'm sure I'll cover all bases. After thinking about it I want to let you know, I am up for co-writing chapters, as well as letting someone guest write, if you feel so moved. I'm not sure how I'll do that yet, but so many authors love this so I may ask them, or use a fan based one if it's up to par. {does that sound to mean?}**

**As always, keep the rec's coming, I can only read so fast, but I'm always willing to add more. I see no end in sight for this little saga so far. I think even if I ever got sick of it {which is highly unlikely} I would pass it off to someone to continue it!**

**No harm is intended, this chapter may be a little harsher then others, but only because my main focus, as I said, is Speedward because he is epically hilarious, so all other characters traits are being emphasized. Please don't be upset with me, you know I love you all and review your stories because of the crackfic addict I am {slight pun intended for meimei42 because her -ward is who I think I'll be most harsh on}**

**I own nothing. So many others own everything else, which I will credit at the end.**

**Spoilers may entail**

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"I can't believe we're at the fair!" Geekward squealed as he fidgeted nervously like a child.

"Calm down man, what are you five?" Fightward asked as he rolled his eyes.

They proceeded through the gates as they looked around for the others.

"I can't believe you made me late because of some stupid video game bullshi…," Fightward's voice trailed off before a high pitched, fan girl scream emitted from his throat, "OH MY GOD, THE ZIPPER!"

Geekward flipped around to stare at the over zealous Fightward, his face turning red as he fought to stifle his laughter.

"Don't worry," he joked, trying to keep a straight face as he patted Fightward on the back, "Your balls will drop someday."

"The zipper's awesome," Fightward grumbled as they continued on their mission to find the others.

"Hey guys," Edward yelled, waving to the two as he sprinted towards them, "Everyone's just doing their own thing, so just do whatever…Oh by the way, this is Speedward," he said gesturing to a man beside him in a uniform that was far to**o** [TOO, not TO] tight for him.

**{A/N and as James would say, sucks to your grammar!}**

"Hi I'm Speedward, the vamp…er SWAT guy, haha" he laughed nervously, his eyes darting back and forth between the other three, "Yep, I'm a SWAT GUY, like I said. Why would I say vampire? That wouldn't make sense. I'm just plain old vamp…er human SWAT guy."

Fightward and Geekward eyed Edward, the same thought on both of their minds: should they tell him they knew everything about him through his story? Edward only shook his head as he mouthed, "It'll be more fun this way," as they walked away.

*Meanwhile*

Speedsper walks into park as fan girls squee over his brief appearance.

"What the fuck am I doing here?" he wonders as he looks around aimlessly, "Fuck I just can't get away from Cullen, that stupid sparkly pants vampire!"

He sees various other Edwards walking around, but he's looking for one in particular, "While I'm here might as well right?"

He uses his tingly spidy senses…oh wait, wrong story, he uses his tingly vampy senses to locate the right Edward, just as he is about to reach him he hears a loud scream

*back to Speedward*

"NOBODY MOVE, there's a bomb on this ferris wheel. We have to stay at a speed of at least 50 miles an hour. Do you hear me people?! I'm a vamp…er SWAT guy so I won't die, but all of you could be fireworked across this park if we don't speed this puppy up!"

People stare at him as if he's a mental case as Wreckward and Shrugward stare at him incredulously.

"How are you going to get a ferris wheel to go 50 miles an hour? I don't think it even does ten." Shrugward said.

"Can't you just use your vampire, I mean "SWAT"," Wreckward said, over emphasizing the SWAT, "powers to disable the thing or something?"

Speedward stared at him dumbly before ignoring him completely as he looked around to the other passengers, "We have to figure out something people!"

It was then that he noticed the seats were completely empty except for his and the seats that Shrugward and Wreckward were occupying.

"Where'd everybody go?"

"They got off…like you do on a ferris wheel…you go around, and then you get off," Strangeward said as he climbed on.

"What?! You mean I wore my tight shirt and I don't even get to finger out, I mean figure out bombs!"

Speedward exclaimed as his sparkly pants glistened in the setting sun.

"I'm not wearing sparkly pants, for the last time!" Speedward exclaimed to…well me.

**{A/N Sorry Speedward, maybe clean up your sparkly vampire semen when you're done with Speedella huh?}**

"What are you talking about?" he said, laughing nervously again, "That girl was a freak…"

Suddenly Nammett pops up as he screams, "Charlie!" and every Edward looks around anxiously for their father-in-law.

**{A/N Nammett what are you doing here, Namward was supposed to make the guest spot, not you!}**

"Sorry, I think I got lost…Hey is Rosie here?"

**{A/N No, but I'll tell her you stopped by}**

"Alright thanks," He said as he waved by to me, turning to the Edward's, "And sorry guys, I meant Charlie like the enemy not…well you know."

*Meanwhile, Speedsper is still looking for Speerdward*

"Hey do you know where I can find Speedward?" Speedsper as Crackward.

"Do you know where I can find some coke?" Crackward asked snidely in response.

"Um…no? I know where you can find some chillthefuckout," Speedsper responded, ready to kick this -

ward in his taint if need be, sparkly or not.

"Sorry man, I just don't know if I'm supposed to be angry, or sad, or happy. This is all just so confusing, ya know Tanya?" Crackward asked, staring off into space.

"What the fuck did you just call me? Can you control your mouth at all? I mean shit, I thought Bella was the one detoxing," Speedsper asked as Crackward continued to stare off into the cotton candy assortment.

"Weirdo," Speedsper mumbled as he continued on his journey.

"HELP ME," Speedsper heard a feminine voice scream, as he ran to the aide of the person behind the voice.

{what his helping gene didn't disappear just because Speedward bit him}.

Speedsper was distracted when Alice walked out in front of him, stopping him in his tracks.

"You've kept me waiting a long time," she said, smiling up at him.

He quickly shoved her out of the way yelling, "Move bitch I'm on a mission!"

He continued towards the scream, and came to a screeching halt when he found, not a beautiful damsel in distress but Distressward, instead.

"Oh my -ward, thank god you're here! Tanya's bugging me again, and I need someone to save me!! Dude in distress, dude in distress!" he screamed like a fan girl again.

"Seriously what the fuck is wrong with you -wards? I haven't met a single one of you I don't want to just off and punch in the taint yet. Not one." And with that Speedsper stomped off, back to his original mission: eating all the yummy people at the fair.

_**(A/N: Oh, Speedsper, I am disappointed in you. Funnel cakes are crazy delicious. Go get some delicious funnel cakes.)**_

"Do they make funnel cakes with gooey delicious people bits, and bloody syrup?" Speedsper quipped

_(__**A/N: Fuck if I know. Why don't you just go all Sandra Lee Semi-Homemade on it? Don't look at me like that. I know you watched the Food Network at Speedward's house.)**_

"You have no proof, none what so ever…wait," he stopped after that last thought, "was I supposed to be doing something else?…oh well," he said shrugging his shoulders as he continued forward.

*Meanwhile, back at the Ferris Wheel*

Speedward, get your ass down here, NOW!" Domward commanded, whip in hand as he stared up at Speedward dangling from the Ferris Wheel.

"No, I have to save the people…from…the…bomb…" he emphasized, pointing to the shiny lights on the Ferris Wheel.

"Those are just the lights!" Namward said with irritation in his voice. He had to go home and try to avoid Alice, while simultaneously thinking about Bella in the process and Speedward was wasting his precious time worrying about the pink lights on a Ferrish Wheel.

"Speedward, seriously, we're not going to ask you back to any of our meetings if you keep acting this way," Rockward said, glancing at his wrist watch, as he tapped his foot anxiously. He had to get home to Bella so they could "sing" together.

"Wait, what does that mean?" Rockward asked me, as he looked up at the sky. "Hey, author lady, what do you mean "sing" together?"

"Dude she means you want to sing with her, and you want to have sex with her," Namward said, sighing in exasperation, "Precious time," he mumbled, "I could be ignoring the war protests, but NOOOO I'm stuck here with the bomb guy, and the guy who can't understand a double entendre."

"Hey! I don't have 'sex' with her, as you so crudely put it. I make love to her!" he said, the musician inside him choking up in emotion.

"It's a penis in a vagina, it's all just sex," Domward grumbled.

"Actually in your story, its NOT all penis in a vagina…," Strangeward said, popping out of what seemed like nowhere.

They all just stared at him as if he was the most ignorant man around, and he rolled his eyes at them, looking at _the_ stupidest man around: Speedward.

"I think I got it!" Speedward exclaimed, ripping a bulb from its [ITS, not IT'S] socket as it shattered in his hand, "Oh no, oh no, I detonated it, RUN. I detonated…"

Speedward landed with a thump as he flailed around.

"Ewww, ewww, dirt. I'm getting dirty! I have glass shards on my tight ass shirt, and dirt is all over me! Oh my god IT'S A SPIDER!" he screamed, as he continued to flail aimlessly around, " Save me Dalai Lama!"

*suddenly*

Speedsper comes out of nowhere, and Speedward runs to him in delight.

"Hey baby," Speedward says, brushing the hair out of Speedsper's eyes.

_**(A/N: OMIGOD I THINK THINGS ARE GONNA GET SLASHY IN HERE HOLD ON LET ME GET MY CRAZY DELICIOUS FUNNEL CAKE.**__ )_

*insert dirty speedella euphemism here*

"Dude what the fuck, now I think you're a dick and you really DO wear sparkly pants!"

"Speedsper, no I lo-oomph" he replied as Speedsper once again punched him in the taint, leaving all of the other -wards in stitches on the ground as he once again walked off into the sunset.

_**(A/N: OH HALE NO, DID YOU JUST COCKBLOCK ME, SPEEDSPER? I MADE YOU! YOU DON'T COCKBLOCK YOUR MAKER!**__)_

*punches his maker in the taint*

_**(A/N: But I'm non-corporeal! How did you do that? And you made me drop my funnel cake, you prick. You are buying me another one.)**_

"Shut up, I just want to get the hell out of here...wait, what the hell? How is the sun setting again?" Speedsper asked, clearly exasperated with this story as well as his own. "Whatever, I don't care anymore," he grumbled, as Alice once again tried to stop Speedsper, and just like before, he pushed her aside shoving her into a rack of clown shoes.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Be honest, what did you think?

I kind of stole Feisty Y. Beden's way of writing briefly because it was the funniest thing I've ever read in my life. Also, she was the A/N's that were in italics.

I think I pretty much successfully made the majority of the Edward's show up in this that I have approved for use so far. If I forgot yours, I am sorry. I promise they'll be in the next one I write. Now lets see if I can do this in order:

Geekward-Resident Geek by cdunbar

Fightward-Shadowboxer by nobloodnofoul

Edward-Twilight

James-The Cullen Family Presents by Feisty Y. Beden

Speedward-The Cullen Family Presents by Feisty Y. Beden

Shrugward-Atlas Shrugged by Jeesie Chreesie

Wreckward-Wreckage by lamb cullen

Nammett-I Have Seen The Rain by Makkitotosimew

Namward-I Have Seen The Rain by Makkitotosimew

Speedsper-The Cullen Family Presents by Feisty Y. Beden

Crackward-Disintegration by Meimei42

Alice-Twilight

Distressward-DID by dollegirl

Domward-The Submissive/The Dominant by tara sue me

Rockward-The Tropic of Virgo by in..bathrobe

Strangeward-Hello, Stranger by Burrberry Bugsy

Sorry if your Edward only made a brief appearance, trust me I'm working on making this better everyday.

Did i mention reviews are nice? I'm getting a little anxious thinking you all hate it over here! :)

reviews=more epic chapters and -wards


	6. Guest Spot: Real Life Fiction

_So I am going to start trying to have guest authors along with my normal updates. This way I can have more time to research new -wards and think up new ideas while keeping you entertained in the meantime. I also have a few other tricks up my sleeve I hope to show you soon! So without further ado here's Ambers guest spot, from a dream she had. It's kind of breaking the norm, but love on it anyway. {sorry Amber I'm beta'ing this too…I know you hate beta's but….grammar really gets to me when it's not in my own fic}_

*** a/n: hey guys... its Amber1990 here, just doing a little guest spot on one of my fave fanfics (woo!). you will see some distinct name dropping of other fanfics within this chapter, and i suggest you check out each one because they kick ass. enjoy...**

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Excuse me, Miss?" I felt an annoying tapping on my shoulder. I groaned as I turned around in my small, economy-class seat.

"Yes?" I tried to be polite, but was finding it particularly hard.

"I need to ask you to turn your laptop off while the plane is in motion."

I sighed. This was ridiculous. I just had to check my .net account. My email inbox was inundated with messages from my friend and mentor Jezzeria. She was telling me where I needed to meet her in the airport. Traveling all the way from England, I needed to know all the important details so I wouldn't get lost my first time in Reno. So, I came up with the first lie that popped into my head.

"How dare you!" My tone was incredulous.

"Excuse me?"

"I am Robert Pattinson's girlfriend! I need to check my emails so I know where he is meeting me!"

"Oh," the airhostess tittered, clearly knowing the name I had just dropped. It had been the first one to come into my head after logging into my fanfic account.

I turned back to my laptop, but was interrupted.

"Miss, I'm sorry about the hassle... would you like to follow me up to first class to make up for the inconvenience?"

"Oh... um... sure." I packed up my belongings and followed the airhostess through the plane to the first class area.

I tuned her out as she babbled on about Robert Pattinson. I already knew he was awesome, like every other girl on the planet, so I didn't need some flight attendant telling me that.

"Here you are, Miss." We had stopped in front of two chairs. Only one was empty. The aisle seat swivelled around to face me.

Robert Pattinson... I was staring directly at Robert Pattinson. Crap. So the thing your parents tell you about lies catching you out was true...

"Mr. Pattinson, your girlfriend. We're sorry about the seat mix up," the woman her words were lost on me. I was busy begging the gorgeous man in front of me, with my eyes, to play along. Luckily, he seemed to take the hint.

"Thanks," he smiled a crooked smile. "We'll just get settled in. Could we have a moment?" The woman rushed off at his request, and I was left to face up to my lies.

"Um... hi." I extended a hand for him to shake. "My name is Amber, and before I say anything else I just want you to know that I'm not crazy." He laughed. Thank God, he laughed.

"Please," he moved over to the window seat. "Sit down, you might as well."

"Oh, thank you." I was kind of uncomfortable, but determined not to make an ass of myself.

"So..." his beautiful voice brought me back to reality. "Would you mind telling me why the airhostess thought you were my girlfriend?"

"Yeah, sorry about that..." I sighed as I looked at my lap. "You see, she wouldn't let me look at my laptop... and I really had to check my emails... So, I lied, name dropped, and now I've been caught." I was honest, it was the least I could do.

"What emails were so important you had to lie about?" Robert Pattinson's beautiful face grinned at me.

"My .net account..." I blushed, hoping he didn't think I was some stupid fangirl.

"You mean," he pulled out his own laptop. "This?" He grinned once , I pulled his laptop around to face me and noticed he had his own .net account. I was curious. I clicked on his favourite author tab. My jaw dropped as I read the list.

"You realise..." I started grinning like an idiot. "I'm one of your favourite authors!" I resisted the urge to scream.

"Really?" He grinned. "Can I guess which one is you?"

"Sure," I laughed. "And I'll try not to be offended if you get it wrong."

"Hmm..." Rob turned the laptop around to face him and ran a hand through his famously admired messy hair.. His glittering gaze was suddenly thrown in my direction. "Are you

Amber1990?"

"How did you know?"

"Just a guess. You look like an Amber." He smiled another crooked smile and I all but melted in my seat. "So, Amber," tingles ran up and down my spine as he drawled my name. "Why are you headed to Reno?"

"I'm meeting a friend for the first time. Jessica. We met on .net, her penname is jezzeria."

"She's a favourite author of mine too." Rob interjected, then rested his chin in his hand.

"But, carry on..."

"Anyway, I was just checking where she was meeting me and trying to figure out a cryptic message she sent me. Telling me she had some sort of surprise for me."

"Could be something to do with Twilight." He laughed.

"I hope!" I grinned back. "But, Rob," I hoped he wouldn't mind my informal use of his name, "how long have you been reading fanfictions?"

"We got into them on the set of the Twilight movie. The whole cast reads them. We each have our favourites. Stephenie, for examply, is really into some of your work. She really likes 'The Wolves Descend' and 'A Life Without', but also likes 'Wide Awake' and 'The Vampire in the Basement'."

"Stephenie Meyer likes my work?" I was astonished. I didn't even know she bothered to read fanfictions!

"Yeah, yours are some of my favourites too." He laughed. "And I do love 'The Road To Forgiveness' by jezzeria."

"That is so weird!" I couldn't control myself. Rob laughed once more. "And you are so lovely!" I beamed at him. "I'm so glad you didn't scream at me for bothering you. I swear I didn't even know you were on this flight!"

"It's okay, I don't mind."

"Oh, and just to let you know... I'm not going to sell this story to the papers or whatever. I'll just keep it as the best memory of a random meeting with a famous person!" I blurted, then blushed. He laughed. "Did I just say all that out loud?" He nodded and continued to smile.

Suddenly, an announcement came over the speaker system. We were about to land. I felt my face drop.

"I can't believe this time has gone so fast. You're one of the nicest, most down-to-earth guys I've met in a long time" I sighed.

"And it was nice to meet an author I'm kind of addicted to." I blushed at his praise.

"Hey..." he interrupted my thoughts. "We're having a cast party here in Reno. I'd love for you to come. Then Stephenie and everyone can meet you. Bring jezzeria... I mean, Jessica. It would be really nice to meet up with you again." He was gushing, but I didn't care. I didn't want this day to ever end. I had almost forgotten all about the friend I was supposed to be meeting.

The plane suddenly touched down. It was all going way too fast. Robert Pattinson was nothing like the famous people you read about... he was so amazing.

He helped me collect my bags when we were leaving, he walked all the way out with me even when we were bombarded by the paparazzi, he even reminded me of the friend I was supposed to be meeting. Poor Jessica! I hoped she would understand my forgetfulness when she met my escort. He had requested to stay with my until I had found my way. What a gentleman!

"Amber!" I heard my name shouted over the crowds, but I only just recognized it as I was still too enthralled by the sight of Rob.

"Jessica! Over here!" I called back.

"Look who I've brought to see you..." she teased.

"Well, I've got someone with me too." Rob and I grinned at each other.

I didn't take my eyes from him for a second, but I heard Jessica gasp as she saw him. The real life Edward. Suddenly, I heard Rob gasp in return. I had to tear my eyes away to see what had startled him. Jessica was blushing... in the middle of a group of Edwards. I knew straight away that they couldn't be duplicates of Robert Pattinson as there was something... different about them.

"Amber, meet the -Wards." Jessica grinned sheepishly.

"Well," I scratched my head, not sure of what I was seeing. "Jessica, meet Robert Pattinson."

"Robert," Jessica smiled. "Meet the -Wards!" Each one of the Edwards surrounding her smiled and waved at my companion.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_So leave some love for Amber and let her know how she did! Even if you just have some advice for her. I was going to add my pov for this, but changed my mind at the last minute. I may make it the next installment though. Otherwise I have other plans._

_Contact me if you're interested in making a guest appearance or whatnot. Also I have an update for you soon that's of some importance…kind of…whatever._

_Leave Amber some love!_


	7. Welcome to the Fandom

**ATTENTION ALL FANFIC READERS:** **I am on a mission to find any story that has a smut scene in it written by a MAN. If you know of one, or know for a fact that there is no such a thing please message me or review me! I have already found Leon McFrenchington, xXxJasonxXx, and HaydenMCullen so don't send me messages about them. Kthanx**

Over the weekend it has been discovered that we are all part of a Fandom. Many fan words will ensue, along with the -wards at the end of this chapter there will also be the fan words used and their definitions just for clarification on some of the other more complicated words or multiple meaning words. Let the fanfun begin!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Welcome to the Fandom

"Hey you guys, come here you have to see this!" Edward called from his position on the couch with his laptop as the others began to gather around him.

The screen dark as they waited for the fantube video to load as the music for Kelis' Milkshake began to play in the background.

"My fanfic brings all the fangirls to the yard…" the lyrics began as the -wards stared incredulously at the video in front of them. Seth was hopping around like a rabbit, and then he started leaping like a frog, and soon he was flapping his arms like an eagle while running in a tight circle.

*All of the men were choking in laughter as the video continues*

{the song continues: la la la la lah, write it up, la la la la lah, the fans are waiting}

He then did a back flip, a quick foot shuffle, leapt in the air kicking up his heels, clicking them twice, leaping backward until he landed, did two quick whirls, his leg fully extended in a pirouette, and then settled in a sitting position on all fours, a wide grin spread across his face, his tongue hanging out to the side, panting from the exertion.

"What the fuck was that," F. asked, his arms crossed across his chest as he stared at something he would hardly call art at all.

"It's Seth's happy dance, read the fic bity!" F. snapped, squeezing a rubber stress ball in his fist.

"You've got fanmail" a voice resounded through the room as a message popped up in the -wards shared inbox.

"Oooo look a new fanfic…," Edward said as he clicked on the link.

"Wait, what is this?" as suddenly something unexpected popped up.

"We have to pay to read this? What in the fanfuckery is going on here?!" F. asked, as the others around him began to fume as well.

Deafward began furiously signing as Edward stared at him a smile playing at his lips.

"What did he say?" they urged, Edward being the only one able to understand him {of course it's perfect prissy Edward what can't he do?}|

"I said, we're going to give those fanfucks some fanhell that will make them need a fanaid!" he pumped his fist encouragingly in the air. "What?" he asked as the others stared at him.

"Wait, you can talk?!" F. spoke up as he eyed Deafward with doubt.

"Don't any of you read the fics?" Cowboyward asked, his hands shoved into his tight little ass grabbing wranglers.

*feel free to break here for appropriate fandrool time*

"I'm just saying," F. continued after taking a brief pause to oogle Cowboyward himself, "he _is_ called Deafward. I mean the name implies…"

"Well if you read the story, you would know, I…..," Deafward finished as F. looked at him in dismay.

"You what?"

"I………," Deafward looked at F. is if he were stupid.

"I don't understand. Are you relapsing? Do deaf people relapse?"

"No you nincompoop, I obviously can't say because there are people who haven't read it yet. Fucking moron." Deafward snapped at him.

While the two were staring vehemently at one another Socioward walked into the room sulkily his arms raised in attempt to defend himself from the fan that was blowing softly in the corner.

"All fans must die!" he screamed, as he ran at it attempting lame karate chops at it, the twang sound of metal resounding throughout the room as the group turned to see what the noise was about.

"Can you stop? I'm trying to think here," Edward asked politely.

Socioward's eyes narrowed as he yelled, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" before storming from the room.

"I swear Jessica, the -wards you find get more and more twacked out," Edward said up to me as the rest nodded in agreement.

**{A/N yea I know, but they make for good entertainment. Ask the readers}**

Suddenly Bastward and Fightward walked into the room with a grimace on their face.

"Where have you guys been?" Cowboyward asked.

"Uh, just had some problems," Fightward said scratching the back of his neck.

"Yea I read the A/N," Edward said, never tearing his eyes from his screen, "Actually we're just going to write an e-mail to these fanfucks now, care to put in your two cents?"

Both Bastward and Fightward nodded their heads eagerly.

"To whom it may concern,

Plz to be not thnkng u r the fansht. Just bcuz u post a fanfic on the interwebz duz not make you worthy of fanz. Nbdy wnts to pay for ur fantrash u call writing. If u wnt to get paid, get ur shiz published.

Also, plz to be getting ur own ideas. If u can't even thnk up ur own fantasies then go back to ur fanbedz and cry yourselves to sleep. Didn't you learn in highschoolz plagarizmz bad. Nobdy wants to read ur stolen shiz.

Lastly, Tby789 is a fangod. Wht she writez is pure gold. If u dnt lyke it, we don't care. Keep ur lifetime fantasies to urselves.

Thnxkbyebitys"

The men smiled at one another, feeling a huge weight lift from their chest. Redward dashed by the window quickly screaming, "Fuck the fandouches, Fanstock is coming!"

With that everyone in the world Fangirlsqueed as they prepared for fuckhotness.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So this is short, but sweet. Hopefully you are amused, and hopefully if you are one of the people that the -wards wrote to…well listen.

In case some of you are wondering wtf I'm talking about it has come to some of our attention that people are trying to CHARGE for their fiction stories. And honestly, that fanfuckery is the type of thing that could make SM go all Anne Rice on our ass and make us stop writing it. If that happens, trust me it'll be more then just me that finds you people that ruined it for us all.

Also nobloodnofoul is pretty fanpissed {as she should be} because there seems to be copycats around. Ha, ha. Just so you know, if you're copying a story don't pick such fuckawesome stories as Shadowboxer or any others. If you can't even think up your own sex scenes then maybe you should re-evaluate reading at all. Sorry, but get a brain of your own. We work damn hard and slave many hours shoving writers block out of the way {and trust me when we have it it sure does feel like a block} and we take huge pride in our work and seeing the outcome of it. We don't need anyone taking the thunder or going around screwing up our story lines. And if nobloodnofoul gets pissed enough she pulls her story, there will also be a mob of people coming to find you.

As for The Office, well her story is the shit. It amuses me that people criticize her for too much sex, then not enough. If you want that go watch lifetime and stay out of fan fiction. Btw, Bastward speaking in French is hotter then your sad little boyfriend will probably ever be, so just stfu.

Haha and to Kim and Fer who inspired that insane talk that constituted the letter I hope I did that right and I didn't just make your eyes bleed.

Also I think the only word that is truly confusing was Fanstock, which we decided would be the equivalent of Woodstock but with Rob and Jacksons band. It would be amazing. Any other words that confuse you, pm me and I'll fix/clear up the confusion.

{these Edwards are not in order I'm too tired for that right now}:

Edward-Twilight by SM

Socioward-Leah's Last Stop by O.N. Labbit

Deafward-A World Without Sound and How To Hear by The Romanticidal Edwardian

F.-Landscapes by lambcullen

Cowboyward-Three Forks, MT by Carminmoon

Redward-The Red Line by Winndsinger {who still hasn't responded hence the one sentence appearance}

Bastward-The Office by tby789

Fightward-Shadowboxer by nobloodnofoul

Don't worry there will be more chapter's with more on the Fandom, this is just the beginning. I needed to rant. Also, I am tired as all hell, so I am not sending messages to everyone who I have used as of this moment. I will when I am more awake. So please don't be upset if you read this before I send the message.


	8. Fanstock pt 1

O.N. Labbit is the guest author, the A/N's are by Feisty and the A/N/Ns are by Labbit. Any A/Ns in {} are by me!

**A/N** This will be covered by Leah Clearwater, because you know, every Ward wants to do a Leah secretly, right? *winkwink*

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**FANSTOCK LIVE (minus Peter Frampton)**

(Leah Clearwater, reporter for Q-News, POV)

The day was sweltering. It was sweltering like melting and sweating with an "r" thrown in. I puffed on my Marlboro Light, working my way through a pack. It was going to be a long day – a long, hot, wet day at FANSTOCK.

My duck boots were on as I sloshed through this pig sty of a venue, Olympic National Forest. Did anyone tell the FANSTOCK promoters this wasn't the place to have a two day concert/orgy? All it does is rain in Forks.

I wore a yellow slicker looking like a myriad of mass killers on dark and stormy nights, and some nice dark slacks and a crème sweater. I looked hot, except for the duck boots.

The duck boots were army green and fuckin' ugly, but I didn't care, because hey… everything above the duck boots was hot.

It was raining again. I wanted to be amidst the activity, thick in the action, of our first FANSTOCK in Forks, Washington. And so here I was, slogging through the grounds of FANSTOCK. All the Wards and Ella's were coming out for their fans. They were fairly famous around here.

The highlight later in the evening, was an appearance by Jackson Rathbone's band, 100 Monkeys, and then a few numbers by Robert Pattinson. I didn't understand all the fawning over the wailing banshee on guitar, but who really understood crazy fangirls?

I'd rather watch Taylor Lautner dance any day; of which, he was coming later to do a special number yet to be determined. He had been working out and donned an eight pack of abs.

I looked out at the crowd of crazy fangirls. They were mostly here for the Wards, but there were quite a few here for the Ella's - a large group of lesbians. The Twiverse had something for everyone. I, myself, was somewhat interested in seeing a Darkward – there were quite a few of those. He could tie me up and put me in a basement any

day._ Rowr…. _

"Sis… are you done with the inner dialogue, because I have a cameraman question."

"I'm Ms. Clearwater to you dweeb," I flecked my irritating little brother, Seth, across the forehead with my index finger. "We're on a job, remember? This will go all across the Q waves."

"Oh yeah, I mean, Ms. Clearwater, where do you want me to set up?" Seth could be rather clueless and wasn't a very good cameraman, but my mom, Sue Clearwater, owned the station and she made me use my brother as the cameraman.

"Just hold the camera on me and you'll be fine," I told him.

"Okay, yes sir, Ms. Clearwater." Seth swung the large camera around, whacking me on

the side of the head.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

I woke slowly in a tent. A man was standing over me with coppery hair and a crooked smile. "Hello, I'm Docward."

"Docward? There's a Docward?"

"In your dreams," he laughed maniacally loud and then ran out of the tent, yelling, "I

HATE FANS!!!"

"Whoa… who the hell was that, and where am I?"

Seth was over me, pointing the camera, filming. "That was Socioward, he asked me to film him undressing you, but then you woke up, I guess."

"HE WHAT?!" I rose from the cot. I was in the medical tent at FANSTOCK.

"What happened?" I looked down to make sure my clothes were still on.

Schwoo, good – they were still on me. I was missing my duck boots, however.

"Where's my duck boots?"

"Someone took them."

"Socioward?"

"No… I think it was some guy… I don't know he didn't like how your boots reminded him of the army."

I needed a cigarette or a drink. I rubbed my head and then felt the large knot at the side. Fortunately it was under my hair so it wouldn't affect my looks.

After searching my pockets for a cigarette I grabbed it to put in my mouth, but now I couldn't find my lighter. "Fuck – this just gets better and better."

"Need a light?"

I looked up to see a handsome and roguish looking Darkward. A cigarette dangled from the side of his lips, which were smirking, and then he had day-old stubble and dark circles under his eyes. He was definitely a Darkward.

"Yes," I stood from the cot, leaning toward him as he lit my cigarette with the cigarette in his mouth. He smelled nice like Head

**A/N: HE SMELLED LIKE HEAD????**

{A/N: Haha I met this guy that smelt like head once…}

and Shoulders Fresh Rain Shampoo,

**A/N: Oh.**

and Axe Essence.

He asked, "Are you alright? Not that I fuckin care?"

"Yeah fuck you too – but me first."

He grabbed around my ass hard, pulling me up against his bulging leather slacks. There was something under those slacks moving and it wasn't a cell phone.

{A/N: Lochness monster?}

"Uhhhhh," I moaned. His hand fit my ass so perfectly. "You really know how to handle asses roughly."

"And your ass loves it."

His dark green eyes peered into mine, as he growled so close I could smell his Head

**A/N: YOU COULD SMELL HIS HEAD?**

and Shoulders

**A/N: GODDAMMIT.**

like he was wearing a salad on his head and the shampoo was the dressing. The cigarette dangled off the corner of his lips. One thing about the Ward's, they were all spectacularly hot.

In an instant he grabbed around the back of my slicker, pulling me in close, his lips pressing hard against mine. It was difficult as our cigarettes both smashed into one another's mouths, burning, but hell, he was a Darkward and who didn't want a piece of that.

"I've never kissed a Leah Clearwater before," he said, "man, I was missing out with that thin lipped Ella."

"You bet your ass you were. There's nothing thin about my lips."

**A/N: OMG IS SHE TALKING ABOUT HER SPECIAL LADYPARTS LIPS? **

**A/N/N: Yes, the parts on the face.**

{A/N: Ewww she has labia on her face?}

We both spit our cigarettes out the sides of our mouths, so that our tongues could have a chance, now that we were finished talking over lip size. His were so moist and hungry, as they continued pressing against mine, his tongue entering and probing (yes probing and prying where it didn't belong in writing or anywhere else), so deliciously around the inside of my palate.

I'd never tasted such an epicurean delight before from a man, but I could swap spit with him all day, as we continued making out in the middle of the FANSTOCK med tent.

"Um excuse me?" I could faintly hear Seth.

_Not now. _

"Ms. Clearwater," Seth tried to get my attention again. "Ms. Clearwater."

"Fuck!" I pulled away quick, my brother could be so irritating.

Darkward leaned in, biting my lip once more, with a quick little smirk, "Later - behind the stage – get rid of the yippy dog cameraman too - don't be late." His eyes lowered looking deadly, "or I might have to punish you."

He spun around and left, walking so smoothly with that tight ass in those leather pants it was hard to turn away. He could punish me any day. I realized that might have been a Generic Domward and not a Darkward – they all kind of looked alike.

"Ms. Clearwater," Seth yelled, "I just saw Rob Pattinson walking that way! I saw him while you were rounding second base with Darkward."

**A/N: Wait, I don't get it. I thought this was a concert. What's all this baseball talk?**

"Huh," I finally looked at my irritating brother. "Well then let's go. What's wrong with you?!"

Seth and I ran out of the med tent and looked over the crowd. The place was bustling with fans now. It was overflowing with people wearing T-shirts with Rob Pattinson or Jackson Rathbone prints.

"There must be over twenty-thousand people now," I said. "Let's head toward the stage." I turned on Seth quickly, "And always keep around five feet behind me."

{A/N: If Seth stays five feet behind Leah, and stands a right angle, how tall is Seth?}

**A/N: I was told there would be no math.**

**A/N/N: Sucks to be you then, don't it?**

"Yes sir, Ms. Clearwater."

It wasn't until I walked a few feet I realized I was only in my socks. "Seth, go buy me some duck boots – quick."

"But Ms. Clearwater, what about filming?"

I caught sight of an Ella who looked to be wandering around looking scared. "Hey you!"

She jumped. I ran up to her, "Hey, take that camera and film me," after looking over her more closely - "Scaredella, right?"

"Yes. Do you have any drugs?"

"No."

"I'm in therapy right now for having a crack baby."

"You already had the baby?"

"Um… they didn't allow Pregella's in here, and so I rushed a quick Cesearean with

Docward."

"He's not a real doctor – you know that right? It's just another bad decision in a long line of bad decisions in your pathetic life."

"Oh…" she cried, "He seemed so helpful."

"You're too trusting and dumb, Scaredella, but who cares. I need someone to film me and so you need to take that camera and just point it at me."

She lifted Seth's camera too exuberantly, losing control and swung it around toward me, "Like this?"

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

A helicopter buzzed above. I was on my back lying in the mud. The camera was on top of my stomach. _ Shit, how'd I get here?_ I had a splitting headache and needed a drink badly. I was pretty sure I was knocked out by that fuckin' camera again.

Scaredella was nowhere to be seen. I guessed after she hit me on the head with the camera she took off. That was so like her – wuss.

Suddenly I heard the loud whir of helicopter blades above. I looked up.

"FUCK!" I held my arm across my brow, as if I could block it from descending over me. My screams were lost in the sound of the loud helicopter as it parked right on top of

me. Thankfully, it had runners.

I looked to both sides. One runner on each side and then I saw the boots of two people disembark the copter. I read the writing at the bottom of the helicopter: FFN.

"I should have known," I muttered, as I slowly crawled out from under the helicopter.

"It's that bitch from Forks Forks Network, Goddessella Swan… my_ nemesis_."

I never understood why they used Forks twice, other than the network was owned by a man who stuttered like Porky Pig, Chuck Swan – he used to spit when he talked also. He dated the owner of Q-News, my mom, Sue Clearwater.

Goddessella hopped out of the helicopter, primping her hair with her cameraman filming her. She sneered when she saw me, "if it isn't that reporter wannabee, Leah Clearwater."

"No, it's me, Leah Clearwater – no wannabee about me."

"I was being fastidious."

"Don't you mean facetious?"

"I don't talk dirty like you and use bad words."

"Well big_ whoop-dee-fuckin-doo_ bitch. I heard you have thin lips too."

"I do not."

"_Whatev_," I pulled out another cigarette.

**A/N: OMG AGAIN WITH THE LIPS! YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK!**

**A/N/N: I'm not the one mixing lippy anatomy.**

Geekward gave me a light as he held onto Goddessella's camera.

I told him a quick, "Thanks. I didn't know you were a cameraman for FFN."

"I… I just… um… wanted to be with a… goddess."

"Oh," I puffed my cig, "she told you she was a goddess, eh? You ever looked at her lips?"

Geekward, nudged his glasses up on his nose, trying to get a look at Goddessella's lips.

**A/N: PERVERT.**

**A/N/N: I know you are, but what am I?**

{A/N: Uhh….still a pervert.}

She started girl slapping him away, "Back off Geekward!"

The helicopter lifted up and away from the grounds. Bella's sweater got stuck in a runner and she was suddenly being lifted with it.

She screamed, "HELP! HEEELLLLPPPP!"

Geekward threw the camera off his shoulder and into the mud, trying to grab at Goddessella. The camera sunk like a brick in mud. He was grabbing at Goddessella, as

she flew higher and higher off the ground.

I couldn't help but start laughing. She looked like she was imitating a windmill the way she was flailing her arms around while hooked on the helicopter runner.

Her weight unbalanced the delicate aeronautics of the copter as it hovered over the crowd low, lurching back and forth, the extra weight of Goddessella keeping it from flying off. She was swung back and forth, screaming at the top of her lungs like an orgasmic banshee.

"Oh crap," I watched as the helicopter lurched over the stage. I realized I needed to be taping this! I quickly hefted up the camera and started filming it while talking."First day of FANSTOCK and we find local TV station FFN's reporter, Goddessella Swan dangling from the runner of a helicopter! Oh the humanity!

"She precariously flies over the stage where later in the day we will watch Rob Pattinson, Jackson Rathbone and his band 100 Monkeys and a dance number by the wonderful and handsome, Taylor Lautner!

"Oh my, she's dangling over a fan. The large fans on the side of the stage are circling full blast like hungry sharks under Goddessella Swan. Oh my, folks, will she live or die? My bet is on a death, but I don't gamble on Fridays.

"The audience is going wild, screaming at the possibility of seeing our own FFN news reporter Goddessella fall to her death in a horribly violent way in a fan – and she's still screaming like an orgasmic banshee."

This was Pulitzer Prize level reporting here. Her cameraman, Geekward was running in circles waving his arms around and generally being clueless. I would finally get a promotion to evening news anchor after this.

Fans were gathering in droves watching Goddessella screaming and finding new ways to spin her arms around like a windmill, over the large fans on the stage.

"Whoooaaaaa!" a collective moan took over the audience, every time the helicopter precariously dipped over the rotating blades of the fans.

More gathered, as Goddessella was swung back and forth over the stage. She was yelling something about 'please don't let me die – I'm too beautiful,' or something like that.

I looked out to the crowd, gathering like algae on a pond during the summer months in Florida, cheering Goddessella, "Fall! Fall! Fall! Fall!" they chanted.

Ah, gotta love the mob mentality.

And then someone rushed from the side of the stage. It was Rob Pattinson. Damn. He was going to save her.

Suddenly the audience made a collective sigh and swooning sound, many saying, "I wish I was falling to my death so Rob could catch me -_squeeeeeeee_."

_Idiots_. What a bunch of freakin idiots these fangirls were.

The helicopter finally dipped hard forward, causing Goddessella to slide from the runner. She was definitely going to die on film, as I continued speaking, "Poor girl is going to fall to her death. She was a well-loved and well-liked news figure in Forks…." I was beginning the eulogy.

The helicopter lifted upward, flying awkwardly away, as she fell to the fan, flipping somersaults in the air.

"Oh my, this is going to be a horrible mess that's not for the faint of heart," I said, still filming everything, and hopeful I could catch it on the live feed.

Socioward flew out from the side of the stage, kicking the fan over yelling, "I HATE FANS! ALL OF YOU FANS – I HATE YOU ALL!" And then he ran off the stage.

Wow, just in time for Rob Pattinson to leap and catch Goddessella. Was that a statement with a giant double meaning or what? He turned to the audience after making the catch, bowing.

A roar lifted of those praising the heroics of their idol, Rob Pattinson. The crowd continued going wild, cheering.

Everyone was screaming, "Save me Rob! Save me Rob!"

{A/N: SQUEE! SAVE ME ROB!!! Uh…*cough* continue}

Goddessella waved to the fans standing beside Rob P. "Look at all my fans! They love me."

She was as dumb as a stick.

I needed a drink after this. When I turned the Darkward was there. "There's a bar on the grounds. Want to join me for some drinks? I won't be paying for you bitch, but you can look at me. I know it will make your day."

"I can handle that. Wait a minute, aren't you Beautiful Bastward?"

"You bet hot cheeks – Darkward over there told me you had some hot and thick lips.

We are all getting kind of tired of the thin lipped 'Ella's."

**A/N: MY GOD, ARE LABIAS ALL YOU PEOPLE EVER THINK ABOUT?**

**A/N/N: Apparently they are all you think about... oh yeah... **_**ca-ching**_

{A/N: No sometimes I think about other things like….uh….labias…}

"Then I'm definitely the one for you. My lips would make Angelina Jolie's lips quiver and cry for more collagen."

"Sweet - how I'd love to pummel you on a desk in my office."

"And oh how I'd love to be pummeled."

Woo, I was getting the cream of the crop – with emphasis on the cream.

Seth ran up out of breath, holding up some yellow duck boots. "Ms. Clearwater, here you go."

"Later," I told him.

"But Ms. Clearwater you told me to get you some duck boots."

"I'm busy," I growled through tightly closed teeth.

"Hi," Seth waved to Bastward. "You are a beautiful Bastward."

"I see you're busy," Bastward was about to leave. "I'll see you around if you're lucky. I don't do threesomes like some Generic Domward – especially with short unattractive males. Let me know if you find Speedsper – he's more my type."

"Wait." I held up my hand, but he was gone.

Bastward left me. HE. LEFT. ME! I was going to kill my brother.

I turned on Seth, "You are so fuckin dead and you're fired." I threw the camera at him. "Meet me back here at six for when the concert starts."

"But I thought I was fired."

"I only wanted to make you feel bad. Get with the program. Now get out of my sight. I'm going to get a drink and the possibly get stoned, and maybe get lucky and find

another Darkward."

"Can I get stoned too?"

I was feeling somewhat badly for how I treated my little brother so I pulled a joint from my pocket, "Sure – but this is the only one you get."

"Thanks," Seth hopped away with the camera and I stomped off to look for the bar on the Fanstock grounds.

I found it and entered. It was inside a tent and it was filled with men and women carrying drinks and making out, or making out and spilling drinks.

Walking up to the bar I saw an unusually sleazy looking Ella. I said, "Hey."

"Hey."

She eyed me with a sideways grin and the bartender, a Generic Domward, poured her a milky white drink. "Here's your Penis Colada, heavy on the penis."

"Is that…?" I shuddered, my mouth dropping open.

Another Generic Domward came up behind her, "I expect you to drink up every last drop of that, and then you're getting another one."

"Whatever you say Master."

**A/N: BAD NEWS BEARS. I THINK THE PINEAPPLE JUICE WOULD MAKE THE MANCHOWDER CURDLE.**

**A/N/N: That spells Ann. **

Oh my gosh, this was a Generic Smutella. They were all the same. They could live on Penis Colada's without spilling a drop and then drink the glass clean. No one could drink a Penis Colada like a Generic Smutella. They had constitutions of garbage disposals. Me – I would gag in a second. Once a Genetic Smutella drank nine of those creamy colada's straight. It was a fanfic legend.

I had to see this as Generic Smutella guzzled down that Penis Colada like there was no tomorrow. (I really hated that adage. It has to be one of the dumbest ones.)

"Did you drink it all and lick the inside of the glass?" Generic Domward demanded."Yes Master."

"Good – turn around and let me see."

That bitch had a milk mustache of something that sure as hell wasn't milk.

"What can I get you?" The Generic Domward bartender asked me.

"Um, I'll just have a beer." I emphasized, "And it better be just beer you damn Generic Domward."

"Hey bitch, we can't all be Darkwards."

"No kidding."

I sat back on the stool, sipping my Heineken when someone came up behind me. "Hello beautiful."

I turned and nearly died. It was the one I was waiting for all my life. He was beautiful. It was… it was….

**A/N: SPEEDSPER, I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE TAINT FOR PUNCHING LEAH IN THE TAINT AND MAKING HER END THIS ON A CLIFFIE, YOU FUCKFACE.**

**A/N/N: Well, she does have labias there.**

[To be continued in Part II of Fanstock LIVE (without Peter Frampton)]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------{If I miss one sorry, remember I didn't write this!}

Leah- Leah's Last Stop and The New Pet in the Basement by O.N. Labbit

Seth- Leah's Last Stop by O.N. Labbit

Socioward-Leah's Last Stop by O.N. Labbit

Darkward-{any generic Darkward such as: Darkward from Wide Awake by AngstGoddess003}

Generic Domward-{any generic Dom such as: Domward from The Submissive and The Dominant by tarasueme, and any other story a Domward is present}

Generic Smutella-{pretty much any Bella who has sex in a fic}

Beautiful Bastward-The Office by tby789

Goddessella-Leah's Last Stop by O.N. Labbit

Scaredella-The Road to Forgiveness by Jezzeria

Geekward-Resident Geek by cdunbar

Speedsper-The Cullen Family Players Present by Feisty Y. Beden

{if I forgot someone let me know!}

I will be back next time to continue on with part two of Fanstock!


	9. To My Readers

Alas I am moving all of my fics to http : / / thewriterscoffeeshop . com

My username is the same and all stories as found here can be found there and will be updated there and no longer here on ffn.

http : / / twcslibrary . com / viewuser . php?uid=5799

Due to all of the drama and nonsense that is going on over here at ffn. Over time I may finally update my livejournal and just stay there, but for now I am afraid ffn and I will no longer be in a committed relationship.

I love all of my readers and reviewers and hope you will continue on with me in my future endeavors.


End file.
